Ho, Ho, Oh No! Santa’s HOA Compliance Letter

By December 17, 2019IHCA

NORTH POLE HOME OWNERS ASSOCATION
c/o Mr. B.A. Humbug, Covenant Compliance Department
Glacial Management Company

COURTESY LETTER
Dear Mr. Claus,

We are instructed by the Board of Directors to inform you of the following violations:

Covenant Violation Descriptions:

  • Your sleigh is a recreation vehicle, which is prohibited by the covenants. When we told you to move it from your yard, we did not intend for you to place it on your roof. Please remove it from your premises.
  • Red and green colors on your house clash with the common scheme of the neighborhood. You must choose approved colors from our color book and submit an application for repainting to the Architectural Review Committee.
  • You are feeding wild animals which are diseased. The sickest is the one with the shiny red nose. Some would even say it glows. You must discontinue this practice immediately, or we will call animal control. We are concerned that the glowing nose may be the result of radioactive waste, so we demand that you allow a health inspector to access your yard.
  • You are storing toys and games in a huge canvas sack in your yard. Be advised that all outdoor storage must be approved by the Architectural Review Committee, and must be of the same style and finish as your house.
  • It appears that you are operating a day care center and/or workshop in violation of the covenants. Through the fence we hear the sound of laughing, playing games, and shouting with glee.
  • There are numerous small persons on your property and the clatter and activity is disruptive.
  • The amount of mail you are receiving exceeds what will fit in your ARC approved mailbox, so you must make arrangements with the Postal Service for alternate delivery at a post office box or business address.
  • You have made unauthorized modifications to your home which allow you to enter and exit through the chimney. You must submit an ARC application for your new entry including evidence that it meets all state and local codes and is in harmony with other homes. If your application is disapproved, you will be required to restore the chimney to its prior condition.
  • You have been observed making a list and checking it twice, finding out who is naughty or nice. Be advised you have no authority to do that and it is divisive. It is the function of the Covenant Compliance Department to determine who is naughty and nice.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding in complying with this letter. If you do not comply within ten days, we will refer these violations to our attorney.

Respectfully,
North Pole Home Owners Association

 

by Victoria Laney
Copyright Victoria Laney, 2006. All rights reserved. Published December 17, 2006.